Last night, I went to see the new Paranormal Activity movie with some people from work. Typically, I would shy away from anything with the number 4 after the title but I've thoroughly enjoyed being scared by these poltergeists-photographed-by-stationary-video-cameras and I wasn't too disappointed by this latest entry. I will admit that if the concept were butter, the creators of the franchise are beginning to spread it a little too thin. But, I digress, this is not a movie review...this is merely exposition.
When I go to the movies, I usually don't get snacks or drinks (my bladder can't handle sitting for more than an hour with any sort of liquid jostling around inside my body) but I did bring with me some contraband candy purchased from a gas station. There's something so wonderfully mischievous about sneaking in candy tucked in a coat pocket. Although I don't imagine the theater kids would do much if they caught me with a pack of Starbursts in my pocket and I daresay I could probably raise more of a stink than it would be worth if they started frisking me in line at the ticket counter. Maybe theaters should invest in some sort of candy-detecting system...a confectionary bouncer, if you will. It could help stimulate the economy if nothing else.
Back to snacks, so there I was with my Starbursts, watching the movie and cracking jokes with my colleagues. If you do go see this movie, I hope you find yourselves the only group in the place so you can poke fun during the slow scenes. It really heightens the enjoyment factor by 10...maybe 20 percent. By the end of the flick though, I was high on sugar. I had eaten the pack of Starbursts (and drank a medium Coke...I know, I said I usually didn't do that but it seemed like a good idea at the time). After I emptied my full and uncomfortable bladder, I bade farewell to my colleagues and made the trip home.
Now I was feeling the effects of all the sugar and it wasn't sitting well in my stomach. I needed something to offset the sugar and so when I got home, I broke into some microwaveable pop corn. I cooked up the delectable and salty snack and then I sat working on my latest work-in-progress while munching away. It wasn't long before I realized why I don't typically eat popcorn. I don't know if it's tactically designed to attack the space between your gums and teeth but sometimes I suspect that was indeed the very idea. I spent more time picking the kernels from my teeth, finding the gossamer thin shells and searching for the rest of the popcorn carnage in my mouth than eating it.
I remember reading a story about a lumberjack cutting down a tree and how the sound of his chainsaw biting into the wood was the screaming of the tree as he killed it. I'm paraphrasing here but I think there are types of food - popcorn being the leader of this particular group - that fight back when we try to eat them. And I think microwave popcorn is the mercenary of all popcorn. If it's not attacking your teeth and gums, it's getting caught in the back of your throat and then there's the kernels that didn't pop that cling to the white fluffy bits. Crunching on those hard nuggets is like stepping on a land mine with your mouth.
In the war with snack foods, I don't think I was the loser per se but I certainly wasn't the winner. I gave up half way through the bag and sent the rest to the trash can. I imagine the next time I take up arms against dangerous foods like microwave popcorn, old Tootsie rolls, spicy Buffalo Wings or chewy Beef Jerky I hope I'll rethink my battle plan. Although my personal mantra is "it seemed like a good idea at the time" so I'm probably doomed to repeat the same mistake again...and again...and again.
In summary, Paranormal Activity 4 is a good horror flick, albeit a bit slow at times but there's fun to be had if you're willing to take a chance. Microwave popcorn, on the other hand, is devil food created by an evil scientist to tear apart your mouth and send you crying to the dentist.
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