Escaped Animals Create Pandemonium

I'm sure many of you have already read or seen what happened in Zanesville, Ohio when a reclusive man who owned exotic animals released them and then shot himself.  62-year-old Terry Thompson had 56 animals - among them were Bengal tigers, Mountain lions, Grizzly bears, Monkeys and Leopards.  A wolf or two thrown into the mix as well.  Reports of wild animals on Interstate 70 and warning signs that said "Caution.  Exotic Animals" could be seen on the Ohio roadways.  It's like they unleashed a veritable Noah's Ark upon the populace.

My first thought was what would kids think if they saw their favorite animals on the road like that?  And later find out that police and sheriff's deputies had been forced to shoot these animals?  Can you imagine what they would draw?  I see hundreds of pictures of lions and tigers and bears (oh my) with X's for eyes and tongues lolling out of their gaping mouths.

We made jokes in the office that Ohio should advertise for hunters to come to their state and hunt these animals (for a nominal fee).  Just think...if you ever wanted to hunt a Bengal Tiger?  Well, now's your chance! 

But, all joking aside, it is disturbing that the state of Ohio allowed an unstable man like Thompson to own these animals in the first place.  Hopefully no people are hurt as officials try to track down the last exotic creature, a monkey.  Although I guess the worst thing that could happen, the monkey throws its poo at them.

Here's a link to the CNN article if you want to read more about this story:

http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/19/us/ohio-animals-on-loose/?hpt=us_c1

ATM has a crazy day

The other day I went to the ATM to get some cash coz that’s what you do at an ATM. Well, it asked me if I wanted a receipt and I said “Yes” just because getting a receipt is like getting a prize with your cash. Oh, look! I got an extra piece of paper! Whee!

Anyway, the ATM informs me that it’s out of paper and it says: “It’s been a crazy day. Sorry.” I mean, come on…an ATM does not need personality. The bank tellers have no personality why should the ATM have one? Although if it sounded like Darth Vader: <Heavy Breathing> I am sorry. I am out of paper. Would you care to continue this transaction? </Heavy Breathing> That would be pretty cool.

Evil Bastard

The Good Book says to “Love thy neighbor”, I say “Screw that”

So here’s a little song about not loving your neighbors.

I’m an Evil, Evil Bastard…

I invite myself over for dinner and I drink up all your beer

I use all the toilet paper and I never flush…the toilet.

I let my cat walk all over your nice, clean automobile

My kids leave their dirty diapers by the swimming pool…

I’m an Evil, Evil Bastard…

I play my music really loud, don’t let you sleep at night

I mow my lawn at 2 a.m. because I’m an asshole

I make lewd comments to your teenage daughter...

I call your son a sissy boy and spit on your dog…(Spit)

I’m an Evil, Evil Bastard…

I’m always scratching my crotch in public…cause it itches…

I peek through your window when you’re making love to your beautiful wife…oh, yeah..she’s a hottie

I stand outside in nothing but a pair of dirty drawers

I honk my horn late at night when I’m driving past your house... Just to say “Hello”

I’m an Evil, Evil Bastard…

I’m an Evil, Evil Bastard…

I’m an Evil, Evil Bastard…

I’m an Evil, Evil Bastard…